fuck life

I've noticed a change in myself recently. im becoming more anti-social. not like the personality disorder, but the actual meaning against being social. maybe its cause everytime i talk to anyone i end up losing them. everyone hates me. im losing all my friends and its right when we should be coming together. and now jessica's mad about some stupid facebook post that i didn't even know about. and now im on the phone with her and shes dumping me. cool. im cutting tonight. fuck it all.

its back

that feeling. the feeling that nothing i do is good enough, that nothing will ever work, that i will never be able to make anyone happy. the feeling that every single thing i do is going to be completely and utterly wrong. and i hate it. i hate myself. but i have to stay strong for jessica. because if she knows how much im dying inside, she wont have anything left keeping her alive. i feel like i have to watch her every move. i hate being a snoop. i hate that i have to find out how much she wants to kill herself from her tumblr. why cant she talk to me? what did i do? why does it feel like she doesn't love me anymore?

so

so its been awhile, but i wanted to get something off my chest. i miss olivia. I honestly was in love with her. i see her in the halls and i wonder if she still thinks about me, like i think about her. she's still extremely beautiful god i fucked up.