I'm going through the hardest time in my life but no one is there for me. I'm going to drown in my sorrow and I'll end up really doing it this time. I miss her. Jessica you really are everything to me. I miss you so much and I love you so much. I gave up everything for you and I gave you all of myself. I don't want to live anymore and no one cares enough to see that. They tell me to move on, I can't. They tell me to go out again, theres no one to go out with. I'm utterly alone and I'm going to die like this before anyone will even notice.

fuck life

I've noticed a change in myself recently. im becoming more anti-social. not like the personality disorder, but the actual meaning against being social. maybe its cause everytime i talk to anyone i end up losing them. everyone hates me. im losing all my friends and its right when we should be coming together. and now jessica's mad about some stupid facebook post that i didn't even know about. and now im on the phone with her and shes dumping me. cool. im cutting tonight. fuck it all.

its back

that feeling. the feeling that nothing i do is good enough, that nothing will ever work, that i will never be able to make anyone happy. the feeling that every single thing i do is going to be completely and utterly wrong. and i hate it. i hate myself. but i have to stay strong for jessica. because if she knows how much im dying inside, she wont have anything left keeping her alive. i feel like i have to watch her every move. i hate being a snoop. i hate that i have to find out how much she wants to kill herself from her tumblr. why cant she talk to me? what did i do? why does it feel like she doesn't love me anymore?

so

so its been awhile, but i wanted to get something off my chest. i miss olivia. I honestly was in love with her. i see her in the halls and i wonder if she still thinks about me, like i think about her. she's still extremely beautiful god i fucked up.

Fuck it

wow well aleeza has decided that she hates me, and that i dont make her happy. so next 6 days she wont talk to me. i feel like shit cause i love her, but shes really being a bitch right now. she knows it bothers me when she goes and parties and she kept bringing it up today, so i told her about jordyn. Jordyn is a girl i met yesterday no big deal she invited me to board with her yesterday and then invited me to come to alittle party at her place for some drinks tonight. aleeza flipped a shit and got angry. soooo now here i am. jessica and i are fighting, aleeza and i are fighting, and i just dont know what to do. i guess i'll just drink away the pain.

update in my world

well im dating a new girl, Jessica, she's kinda awesome :) she has a tumblr but she kinda uses it as a diary so she doesn't want me to go on there so i won't. none of my friends see why im with her, but its one of those things i cant explain ya know? i like her alot and she makes me happy and i have alot of fun with her so im with her. my grades arent that good but oh well i'll live. i didn't get into brown dream shattered right there but its ok ill live. im trying to write the class song for my grade i hope i finish it in time :) i got into auburn and alabama but no surprise there, i wanna go far away though so idk
bye
:)

little more poetry

send me to hell,
i dont care,
just set fire to my bare,
arms and skin,
don't let me in,
ill be fine,
burning for the rest of time.


im a jealous mess. i don't know if i can do this anymore, its just like i look at pictures even ones that are jokingly sexual and i wanna kill someone and i can't take this like im getting soooo pissed

someone kill me?