today

well today started rough and ended rougher
i started the day by nearly puking up my guts every where then i had to go to school school wasn't to terrible but its school and its intimidating so it sucks anyway i have no classes with my friends and its bad it drives me insane i have no one to talk to during class i txted her today again while i was in apchem god she got me horny and my mom txted me saying she found out it was a boy i told her that and she was happy why is everyone so happy about this? is it weird i think its a bad thing? my mom could die in child birth. im afraid of that. i don't wanna lose my mom as much as i hate her i dont want lose her. then i found out i made the play my initial thought was YAY but then i looked at the parts and who was cast as what and i realized i didn't get a major part . . . again and i guess i just got my hopes up too much, but is that suck a bad thing?? Mr. G says im a good actor and that he know it but he hasn't given me a significant part yet its alittle annoying but its not that big of a deal. then she got mad at me mad cause i kept calling her then having to hang up she got angry but atleast i was trying! and then i got home and had to wait an hour and a half to talk to her and then she tells me she has plans for the night. i thought oh well, i know i cant keep her occupied while im so far away but then she told me she was horny and i thought shit, she's gonna hook up with whoever this guy is in a hot tub while most of her clothes are already off. idk why but its always the first thing that hops in my head. i hate it i get sooooo jealous, like amazingly. i wish i was enough for her but i know i couldnt be enough im a stupid asshole i make her mad all the time and i don't know why. I love her so much, but she twists everything i do and say and makes me feel bad about myself for even speaking i love her so much she's so perfect. i think she just doesnt fully trust me yet. i and i get it she's been hurt before but sometimes she tends to treat me like i only wanna have sex and i dont. i love her thoughshe is perfect for me
*new addition*
then someone she hates talked to her tonight and she was a venomous to her i didn't want to be mean but she didn't like her so i allowed it then she wanted to bring me into it and i begged her not to she didn't listen and then wanted to make me seem that way at the end of the conversation i got her not to but she got angry we had a little fight but fixed things

and she never hooked up with him :)

so today i decided to write on my blog i thought about posting more poems and songs but im alittle lazy and i have lots of them

today i spent time talking to her it was amazing until we got mad at eachother but we have the weirdest relationship she gets mad at me cause i say something that she interprets as offensive and then we'll argue a bit and make up. im so afraid, her emotions are alittle rough to read i can never tell when she's joking or not today she said, " I wear the pants in this relationship." that kinda got me annoyed it made me feel belittled and powerless and so i proceeded to say i think im gonna wear some pants now, and i believe she disagreed and i said i'd leave the video she said i wouldn't and i did it was an impulsive stupid idea but i just wanted to feel equal i know what some women fell like i didn't wanna be alittle bitch but i didn't wanna be controlling either i just wanna share the pants equally i love her so much i came back and said i couldn't do it, she called me an asshole. i was very sorry i didn't really wanna go i just wanted to feel alittle authority we worked it out but i miss her all the time im in love that passionate feeling that you feel about that special someone.

i love her and i will get up there soon
te amo mi vida